James Surety Bond
Surety bond covering government employees and personnel of Britain with a high propensity for government, corporate and civilian property damage as well as harm, injury, and death to the bodies and lives of enemy combatants.
Extended clause covers paternity suits posed, sought and won by encounters and harassment victims (whether consented or objected to by either or both parties).
Clause does not cover priceless artifacts or emerging technology destroyed or rendered harmed, broken, unusable, marred, or flooded during the course of the one hour and forty-five minutes of active duties or mission operation. Owners of said property, please consult your insurance provider for compensation of damaged goods resulting from interaction with covert and open conflict with tuxedo garbed personnel of her majest the queen of england or other royal families of authority.
Surety bond will cover current active personnel only and will not extend to cover rogue operatives who have been released from employment and come back to seek their revenge on current active employees and/or employers.
When reporting your claim you must provide conclusive photographic, dna, video, audio, or thermal-heat graph evidence that said damage was caused by the active government employee in question and not by either 1) nefarious malefactor seeking authoritative domination over individuals(s) or world, neither 2) an impostor commissioned by nefarious malefactor or cohort to frame said government employee and incriminate said employee, neither 3) the said employee under the duress of nefarious malefactors or collaborators. In these cases, please consult the bonder or insurer of said malefactors in question.
Special circumstances of destruction do no entitle owner of property or persons to extended compensation. If said property/persons were harmed in a major part of the mission shown in major media outlets internationally, compensation will be the same as property/persons damaged during a minor part of the mission used to fill out the employees time during various periods of exposition.
If, during the examination of damaged persons/property, you discover property/technology/persons that is rare, vital, priceless, or otherwise deemed necessary to a) the mission, b) national security, c) world peace, d) the advancement of government agents relationship endeavours, then said material must be delivered to the proper agency. Keeping such materials will reduce and/or nullify the compensation of your claim. Also, selling said materials to nefarious malefactors and/or collaborating agencies, cohorts, henchmen, or persons may result in bodily injury, extended destruction of property or death. Making such arrangements will nullify compensation of original claim and excuse insurance bonder from all further said damage to your person or property, including loss of life. Be advised.
This bond will not self destruct during any time period. Excessive, multiple copies have been made and dispatched to various post office boxes, media outlets, and anonymous persons of no relation for the safety of the bonder and the carrier of the surety bond. If nefarious malefactors make attempts on the lives of the bonders person, friends or relations, said bond policy will be made public through said outlets above so destruction of this document or the life of the bonder would be of any value. So don't even try.
Thank you for your time. Please follow the brightly lit red exit signs to proceed to your vehicle.